Death

Have I mentioned that life is always fair? When a person is lucky in many ways, he/she will be unfortunate in others. And vice versa.

I've always felt blessed, or I hve indeed been blessed. And I'm not sure if this is gonna change. I certainly hope not. Even though I always believe that good things/times don't last and I certainly have always been aware that anything could happen the next minute, it's just never occurred to me that it'll be me next, that it'll be my turn so soon. Ya knw? You are always well aware of what could likely happen, but you just never thought it's now.

I am still living in the unknown, living in denial, not willing to face the fact, to find out the truth. As of now, I'm still in 80% denial and 20% accepting it. I am fully aware that this clearly isn't helping and this clearly has to change for my very own benefit. But I guess it'll take a while for it to sink in, finally. I need time. And plenty more luck.

I am okay when I am in the company of friends and colleagues. My mind tends to wonder abt when I'm alone, like on MRT rides. Tears welled up and dried up, again and again. There is nothing abt death that I'm scared of, it's the pain, burden and suffering that I might add on to others ard me that I'm more worried abt. I would rather die than to see my family and friends suffering for me. So if I could choose, I'd opt for sudden death than tragic slow death.

A note for all, do not go for Dr Rosalind at Mt E, if you have a choice.